ree-fireparrot said to howtofightwrite: Tips on how to maximize the shock and heartbreak of a betrayal (emphasis on the latter)? Specifics: the sympathetic character (a dead person’s consciousness uploaded into an artificial body) finds out that his love interest doesn’t even see him as a person; at best he’s something to amuse herself with until she gets bored or she can’t find any more uses for him. She drops the pretense of caring about him the moment he calls her on it, but what else?
You’re picking sides here. You’ve got to let both characters be sympathetic. You’ll sabotage the scene if you don’t find a way to understand the situation from the love interest’s perspective. Which is to say, why she fell out of love with him. Or, if they never had a relationship prior to his death, why she’s using him to begin with.
As it stands, you’re engaged in toxic tropes to villainize one character at the expense of the other. He’s The Sympathetic One and she’s The Bitch. (You’ve dropped into some seriously toxic tropes for female characters just off the cuff in this question. So, wow.)
I’ll make this one simple: “He’s dead, Jim. “
He is a dead person’s consciousness uploaded into an artificial body, the product of cyber-necromancy. He’s a ghost. While there’s an entire discussion to be had about whether or not he’s still human, there isn’t a debate about whether or not he’s the same person. He’s been through a traumatic event (his death), he is now, at best, a cyborg. At worst, he’s an android. He’s living an entirely different life than the one he had previously. The advanced nature of his body is an important question. The ease other humans have in connecting with him emotionally is going to depend on how well he simulates expression.
The situation you’ve described sounds like someone who’s having a rebound relationship with their dead ex.
Now, you’ve taken away everything that would let her body recognize he’s human and are blaming her for the fact she doesn’t have feelings for him. The irony is that in his current state, she’d have a stronger emotional reaction to a dog. I’m dead serious. When a human stares into a dog’s eyes, they experience similar bonding triggers to the ones they feel when looking at their child or their mate. We’ve programmed this one into our brain chemistry. You won’t have the same experience from a robot, no matter how much you tell yourself you love them.
I’m not saying she’s justified in the way she treats him, but there’s a genuine explanation for her behavior beyond, “she’s a cold, heartless bitch who is abusing him because she can.”
The genuine explanation is the more heartbreaking one because it comes from the realm of real human experience. It’s out of their control, and there’s no way to fix it. It’s also a rejection which is much more difficult to overcome.
Alice: “I love you. I mean, I loved you. You’re just not yourself anymore, Jack. You haven’t been since…”
Jack: “Don’t say it.”
Alice: “I’m sorry. No matter how hard I try, I don’t feel the way I used to. You’re dead. We need to accept we can’t be what we were to each other.”
Jack: “You don’t have to do this! I’m still the same person I used to be! And, if I’m not, well, I’ll try! I’ll change! Alice, I love you!”
Alice: “No, you’re not. You can’t.”
Jack: “I came back for you. Together forever, remember? Through thick and thin? Don’t leave me, Alice.”
Alice: “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
The part that tugs on your heartstrings isn’t the part where she’s evil, if she’s evil then it’s just a relief for the audience to get him away from her. On the other hand, if this female character is ending the relationship because she can’t emotionally handle it anymore and needs to break it off for her own well-being then that’s both a legit human response and incredibly sad.
Society has taught us to treat women who put themselves and their own emotional well-being first as sociopathic bitches. The Good Woman response mandated by society is for her to stay with him and provide him with what he wants even though she’s unhappy. She is expected to sacrifice her well-being for his, even though loving him is difficult to the point where its become toxic for her and she’s lashing out. She probably doesn’t know how to break up with him in a way that’s not uncomfortable, unacceptable, or in which she will be cast as the bad guy. Any woman who’s been in a caregiver situation and had to get out understands. Hell, most women who’ve broken up with a guy who wasn’t a flaming douche nozzle understand. (Even those who do break up with the douche still get blamed.)
You’re already out here calling her a bad person, and you’re writing her.
Most people aren’t evil, but it’s easier to carry that narrative. It is easier to make someone the villain, and give the hero someone to blame.
Sometimes, people cheat because they’re dicks. Most of the time, they cheat because they’re unhappy or they feel unfulfilled in the relationship they have. They don’t want to hurt the person that they loved, but they don’t have the courage to leave them either. Someone who’s married with kids or someone who is a caregiver, they struggle with what to do when a relationship is over but you can’t leave. Caregivers, especially, are demonized by the general population for putting themselves first.
If the dead consciousness can’t support himself in his new existence then she is his caregiver. She is, quite possibly, doing a lot of emotional labor without getting anything in return.
The answer to your question is that a narrative becomes most heartbreaking when there is no easy point of blame, because both characters have their own struggles, both are sympathetic. Their situation is tragic. Tragedy is the inevitable crash built on the decisions of multiple characters, what they do and what they don’t, what they can handle and what they can’t. You know it’s going to fall apart but you can’t look away from the trainwreck.
The shock is not that she doesn’t care. The shock is she does, but did it anyway. The heartbreak isn’t that she doesn’t really care, the heartbreak is that she does but his new existence can’t fulfill her emotional needs. She didn’t feel she could tell him the truth, and ended up hurting him more while trying to hurt him less.
Otherwise, she’s the bitch who was fucking with him for no reason and that just makes it easier for him to move on.