Q&A: Stop Them

Referring to a post you made some time ago, Is there a /good/ way to stop a person from doing something stupid, violence or not?

Without, going back and checking, it’s almost certainly what I wrote at the time: Talking them down. If someone has decided to do something, and you need them to stop, your only option is to convince them not to do it. You can’t use violence to stop them. Not really. If you take them down, tie them up, or simply beat on them, you’re only delaying the inevitable. They’ll go back, and do whatever they planned to do in the first place. Or, you kill them, which creates all kinds of new problems.

If someone has set their mind on something incredibly stupid and or destructive, your only real option is to talk them out of it. You need to convince them to change their mind. Unfortunately, there’s no one, “right,” way to do this. Everyone, every situation, requires a different approach, unique to the people involved at that specific moment in time. Their background, their relationship, their experiences, their view of the world, the information they have. Everything they considered in picking their course of action is relevant in weighing how to respond to them.

Without wanting to make it sound too much like a game, there is a competitive element to this. As one of the participants, you don’t know everything that factored into the other person’s decision. You can try to get that information, try to understand how they came to that point, and then formulate a response. Sometimes it’s as simple as having information the other participant lacks. Sometimes it’s looking at the situation from a new perspective. Sometimes they’re the ones to bring you around. Sometimes there is no way to reconcile your differences, and violence really is the only option left. It all depends on the people involved, what they know, who they are, and how they know each other.

It’s worth remembering, how someone responds to violence is just as individual to them, as any other factor in this. Some people, when presented with violence will crumple, some will respond in kind, others will seek retribution. It really depends on the individuals involved, and without knowing them, it’s nearly impossible to predict how they’ll respond.

It’s also impossible to know, in the abstract, if violence will even achieve your goals. Will they see it as a sign that they should back down, and a demonstration of your conviction? A validation of their position, because you have no better response?

We’ve said it before, violence doesn’t solve problems. It just creates new ones. At best it may table the old problems for a few minutes.

If you need to stop someone, completely stop someone, you need to convince them. By itself, simply beating on thumping on someone isn’t very persuasive.

-Starke

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